Advents Corner

This is really cool.  Watch how the water just hangs in the air after the balloon is popped.  We never see any of this because it happens so fast but it sure is a sight to see.

This is how desperate people are for change. This hit my email box today and I thought it was my civic duty to share it with you.

WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANYU.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq this action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning. Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict.

This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there. The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world’s nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening. Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT GOES TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WON’T GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mez amies. I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded, and crushed. I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch you’re precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors.

Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.  Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his entire corrupt government really needs an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put ‘em? Yep, border security. Oh, by the way, theUnited States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now. We are tired of the one-way highway.

Immediately, we’ll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country’s oil needs for decades to come. If you’re an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, “darn tootin.” Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America it is time to eliminate homelessness in America

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won’t forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America Thank you and good night.

Jason Tagle was crowned the Musubi eating contest winner by L & L Hawaiian Barbecue company on Saturday.  Jason was able to eat 10 1/2 musubi in 5 minutes breaking the previous record of 9.

It is all about marketing.  Would you buy toilet paper named Sandpaper?  How about a soft drink called diarrhea?  How about a bed called Lolita for your 6 year old?  I know my two examples were extreme but one mother thought the name of a bed marketed to 6 year old girls was extreme also.  Woolworths had a bed online that was geared towards little girls and when a Mom discovered the name of the bed was “Lolita” she fired off postings on a parenting site.  Once Woolworths found out about it they immediately pulled the beds off of the website.  According to Woolworths they had no idea the word was used to describe sexually active pre-teens.  I guess we can give credit to a giant corporation for finally putting people before money.

A study has just been released that states you can get rid of fleas by using your vaccum.  The vacuum causes so much trauma to the flea that they die.  If you have little ones like we do or you just do not like using chemicals pull out you vacuum and give it a try.  The study suggest is kills 96% of adult fleas and 100% of younger fleas. 

This is so funny.  They guy actually pretends to be an Elf or maybe he is an Elf and calls Barb at American Greetings to tell her he is upset about the Elf tossing game they have up on their site.

Two men tresspassed onto an ostrich farm and when they scared the flightless bird, the bird attached, kicking the two men.  When the girlfriends that were occupting them begin to laugh pride took over.  The two men came back with a rifle and a shot gun and after atleast seven shots were fired the ostrich was dead.

For once our justice system has come through for Gaylord the ostrich.  Timothy McKevitt, 19, is free on bail but must return to jail on November 3 to serve his 5 month sentence.  Jonathon Porter, 21, plead no contest and was sentence to 7 months in jail. 

I just don’t know about some people.  Why in the world would you try to have the longest leg hair?  I guess because he can?  I was fine until I read that when he gets the world record he is going to “pluck it” and hang it next to the certificate.  (rolls eyes)  I think my stomach turned.